“My tardiness in answering your letter was not on account of press of enterprise. Don’t hearken to that kind of excuse; I’m at liberty, and so is anybody else who needs to be at liberty. No man is on the mercy of affairs. He will get entangled in them of his personal accord, after which flatters himself that being busy is a proof of happiness.”
— Seneca
“I used to be all the time ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a advantage. It was a disguise.”
— Anaïs Nin
For me, 2025 can be a yr of delivery new issues. There’s tons within the hopper.
Right now, I’m happy to announce my first ebook in additional than seven years.
It’s been within the works for a very long time and is presently 500+ pages. This time round, I’ll be doing issues very in another way.
The ebook, tentatively titled THE NO BOOK, is a blueprint for easy methods to get every little thing you need by saying no to every little thing you don’t. Don’t let the title mislead you; it’s most likely probably the most life-affirming ebook I’ve ever written.
It particulars the precise methods, philosophies, word-for-word scripts, tech, and extra that I and others use to create focus, calm, and which means in a world of overwhelming noise.
THE NO BOOK accommodates all the greatest tips and instruments that I’ve collected over the past 15 years, along with these of world-class performers. A lot of my associates make cameos, and I’m sharing particulars that I’ve saved closely-guarded till now. Should you’ve needed to know the way my life and enterprise work with solely three full-time workers, this can present you.
What else is completely different about this ebook?
– Although I drafted the bones years in the past, I introduced in a detailed pal as a co-writer and co-experimenter. That is my first time ever collaborating on a ebook, and it’s been a tremendous and hilarious journey. I’m thrilled with the outcomes, and I’ve by no means seen something fairly prefer it.
– Not like my final 5 books, we’re going to first launch this one serially, one chapter or a handful of chapters at a time.
– We may also create a neighborhood for early readers, who will be capable of learn and experiment collectively, assist each other, and supply us with suggestions on the ebook. We wish individuals to alter their lives with this ebook, and for that, studying isn’t sufficient. It should be utilized, and we really feel that the neighborhood, mixed with serial launch, will assist produce actual motion with actual outcomes.
– The plan could change. Consistent with the theme of the ebook, if the neighborhood or serial launch flip into extra headache than enjoyable, or extra emergency brake than accelerator, we’ll renegotiate and take a look at one thing else.
– To learn THE NO BOOK first and get different exclusives, you simply must subscribe to my free 5-Bullet Friday publication. That’s the place the magic will occur. It’s simple to unsubscribe anytime.
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Now, I don’t need to give too many spoilers, and the precise timeline can be introduced quickly, however I received’t depart you with no pattern.
Two chapters are arising tout de suite.
However first, what of that collaborator?
Nicely, he made an look in The 4-Hour Physique once I force-fed him into gaining muscle, however he’s higher often called the ten-time New York Instances best-selling writer of The Sport, The Filth, Emergency, and others. He’s written liner notes for Nirvana and acquired hate mail from Phil Collins. He did a decade-long tour of responsibility at The New York Instances, wrote cowl tales for Rolling Stone, and nearly obtained killed by an ax-wielding polyamorous lunatic in The Reality. He and I even have the identical haircut.
Most related right here, he busted my balls for not ending this ebook sooner, and that’s how we ended up right here.
So why don’t I let him inform the story in his phrases?
INTRODUCTION
By Neil Strauss
The purpose of life is to make good selections.
And selections are the only factor on the earth. They only encompass a single alternative between two phrases: sure or no.
By way of this binary alternative, very similar to the best way a pc builds digital worlds out of 0s and 1s, we create our future.
These two choices, nonetheless, will not be created equal. There’s only a tiny sliver of the world that we’ve got the time to expertise. So, we’re known as to filter by way of the practically infinite spectrum of all that’s obtainable to us… and say no to nearly every little thing. The extra we will say no to the issues that don’t serve us, the extra we live our goal.
And I’m failing at my life goal.
I say sure to fucking every little thing.
This is the reason I made a decision to assist write this ebook. Not simply that can assist you, however to assist me reclaim my life.
After I was attempting to resolve what to share on this introduction, I known as Tim for his ideas.
“Are you able to consider a latest instance the place you mentioned sure to one thing you shouldn’t have?” he requested.
My ex-wife was sitting subsequent to me and it took her 1.5 seconds to give you an instance: “Janet’s costume get together tonight.”
All of us most likely have a Janet in our lives. She is so pushy and protracted, within the kindest and most enthusiastic approach, that I’ve hassle saying no to her. To her, a sure is a legally binding settlement. A perhaps is a sure. And a no is the start of a guilt journey that ends while you fold and say perhaps—which she then takes to imply sure, making it a legally binding settlement.
“So simply cancel,” Tim correctly advised.
“I can’t,” I replied unwisely.
“See?” Ingrid gloated. “I relaxation my case.”
Her case was certainly rested. On my responsible conscience.
I grew up in a house the place saying no wasn’t an choice. A no would get you a stern lecture, an extended grounding, or worst of all, a withdrawal of affection. In order an grownup, I grew to become existentially terrified that each no would include some kind of blowback, reminiscent of shedding a friendship, a chance, or somebody’s good will. And now I give my time—and my life—away, typically to individuals who have been publicly shitty to me. They name this trauma bonding. It’s my specialty.
Not like Tim.
Tim is the grasp of no. As I write this in mid-October 2023, his textual content messages have an auto-response that reads:
I’m touring abroad till Nov 7. In case your textual content is pressing, please attain out to somebody on my staff. In any other case, please resend your textual content after Nov 7 if it nonetheless applies. Since catching up can be unattainable, I’ll be deleting all messages upon my return and ranging from scratch. Thanks.
Deleting three weeks value of messages! That’s boss-level no.
It’s mainly saying: The message you despatched me is your precedence, not robotically mine.
It’s a screaming sure to life.
It’s really an act of braveness to not fear about how each single one who receives that textual content goes to react to being deleted. And that is only a small, on a regular basis instance of Tim’s time mastery. Right here’s how unbelievable Tim is at saying no at a world-record degree:
5 years in the past, he known as to inform me he was writing a ebook on easy methods to say no. He needed me to contribute an essay to it.
I didn’t have time to assist out. So after all I shut it down with these 4 phrases: “Sure, I’ll do it!”
I didn’t need Tim to be mad at me or cease asking me to contribute to his books or abandon me as a pal and discuss shit about me to Naval Ravikant.
Afterward, I spent per week writing a chapter for his venture, and grumbling about how I must be spending the time working by myself ebook. In spite of everything, individuals pleasers like me reside in fixed resentment. We blame different individuals’s requests for our unhealthy selections.
I completed the essay and despatched it to Tim, as did many others. Tim despatched some follow-up questions, simply to take up extra of our time and ensure we regretted our determination, then he did one thing unbelievable:
He mentioned no… to the entire ebook!
He has so totally mastered the artwork that he truly mentioned no to the ebook on no. After which went on to return the most important ebook advance he’d ever been given.
Wow, that was a formidable act of self-preservation. Whereas it might take you 5 days to learn a ebook, it may take him three years to write down and analysis it. That’s three years of his life he gained again with a single no.
There was only one drawback: I wanted the ebook. As did so many others. It’s a conflict zone out right here. Our gadgets and apps, even a few of our house home equipment, are consistently learning us, figuring out easy methods to focus extra of our consideration on their enterprise fashions. Beneath the guise of serving to us, they drown us in inboxes, notifications, and alerts, synced to telephones, tablets, watches, even our automobiles. And in case you don’t reply to the Janets of the world inside fifteen minutes, you get the inevitable “Are you okay?” or “Are you upset at me?” message. And even worse, the insidious “???”
Whether or not the problem is the cellphone, different individuals, or our personal compulsions, most of us need assistance saying no to what doesn’t matter and drains our life vitality. So, I reached out and informed Tim that if he didn’t need to end the ebook, I’d.
On the situation that he might cancel the entire endeavor anytime he favored with one no, he ultimately despatched me a 72,000-word Scrivener file of his notes, ideas, writings, and picked up info. I then set about organizing it right into a ebook that might assist myself and others reside a extra significant, linked, purpose-driven life by following the trail of no.
However merely shelling out rejections isn’t the purpose. You want wonderful issues value defending. The trail of no can be the trail of selective yesses. This ebook is a information to discovering the vital few among the many trivial many.
It’s about discovering the large yesses in our lives. Only a few. These could also be individuals, companions, initiatives, locations, and passions—yesses so extremely fulfilling that they allow us to say no to every little thing else. In reality, you solely must get just a few massive yesses proper to reside a deeply profitable and joyful life.
The ebook that follows was put collectively by the 2 of us from Tim’s notes and experiences; additional discussions and analysis; a lot of hilarious video calls; and contributions from different gurus of no, a few of whom truly mentioned no to us. We’ve got included their rejections within the ebook as templates. Until in any other case said, each chapter and first-person anecdote that follows is from Tim’s perspective.
Hopefully by the top of this information, we will all study that there’s a freeway to happiness. And the borders that maintain us on it, that stop us from straying into the abyss of meaninglessness, are paved with the phrase no.
TORSCHLUSSPANIK
By Tim Ferriss
I first realized I had an issue when every little thing was going proper for me.
The day was Could 2, 2007, simply after 5:30 p.m. in New York, once I acquired a cellphone name I’ll always remember. My editor at Random Home needed to tell me that my debut ebook, The 4-Hour Workweek, had hit The New York Instances bestseller listing.
As her phrases sunk in, I staggered backward and collapsed towards the wall in shock, gratitude, and reduction. In a single day, I used to be reworked from a man begging individuals to reply his emails to somebody on the opposite aspect. Every kind of requests and affords poured in. Talking gigs, interviews, consulting, partnerships, model offers—it was a tsunami.
Flattered, unprepared, and afraid this could be my solely quarter-hour of fame, I mentioned “sure” to almost every little thing, particularly something six, 9, or twelve months off within the distance. My calendar appeared like pristine water, clear as crystal for a short lull. Then I needed to pay the piper.
Not often in the identical place for greater than per week, I felt extra like Willy Loman in Dying of a Salesman than a jet-setting rock star. My assistants and I have been getting hammered with lots of, then hundreds, of emails per day. 90% of the time, I had no thought how individuals obtained my personal e mail addresses. We have been drowning.
The irony was that my methods labored nice. It was pure operator error.
Within the deluge, I had slipped from a mindset of JOMO (Pleasure of Lacking Out) and following my very own priorities, to a mindset of FOMO (Worry of Lacking Out) and reactively greedy at shiny objects and glossy individuals. I used to be succumbing to what the Germans name Torschlusspanik: actually, “door-closing panic.”
The time period comes from the time of walled medieval cities, when the gates would shut at evening—and any resident left outdoors can be compelled to fend for themselves. Getting by way of these doorways typically meant survival.
In survival mode, I panicked. I ended following my very own guidelines. As soon as I made the primary exception, the sport was misplaced. It was demise by a thousand paper cuts.
So, what the hell occurred? Why didn’t I see it coming?
These habits are fashioned early and embed themselves deeply. I come from a household stuffed with beautiful and conflict-avoidant of us. This isn’t true for everybody within the prolonged clan, however it’s sufficient for my default to be people-pleasing. Or, extra precisely, people-fearing—a distinction we’ll dive into later.
Earlier than the publication of my ebook, with little inbound, the consequences of people-pleasing have been negligible. I got here up with wild plans, went out attempting to find alternatives, cold-emailed individuals to pitch concepts, and knocked issues off my to-do listing. After the success of the ebook, with 1000x extra inbound, the consequences of people-pleasing have been catastrophic. The underlying worry and guilt got here out in full power and wreaked havoc. I used to be being emailed and known as by a Genghis Khan military of variations of myself (shock, bitch!), and I didn’t have a playbook. Saying sure to different individuals’s priorities made mine vanish like sand by way of my fingers.
It took some time to unwind and work out that I used to be doing all of it improper.
Twelve months later, I had stemmed a great portion of the blood loss. It was solely doable as a result of I had discovered a giant YES that allowed me to focus and say no to at the least 50% of the noise:
Startups.
I used the ebook’s reputation with technologists to start investing in and advising startups, and I quickly moved to San Francisco to be within the heart of the motion. The timing was good, and I had unbelievable luck (Shopify, Fb, Twitter, Uber, Alibaba, and extra).
One afternoon, I discovered myself within the workplace of a CEO and pal. His firm would later change into one of many fastest-growing startups in historical past. That day, he was calm as ordinary, regardless of the chaos and noise of Market Road just a few flooring under. As soon as we’d caught up on the newest developments, the dialog meandered into productiveness methods, and I requested how he thought of managing e mail. He spun his laptop computer round on his desk to indicate me his Gmail account. As soon as my eyes adjusted, I stood there slack-jawed, fixated on one factor:
84,000+ unread e mail.
Smiling at my shock, he mentioned, “Inbox zero is a fallacy.”
Utterly unfazed, he went on to elucidate just a few insurance policies he had. He ignored 99% of what got here in. For a lot of what remained, his reply was a brief, “Not up my alley. Thanks.”
If 10 completely different however interesting individuals requested him to seize dinner, he would invite these 10 individuals to a gaggle dinner and kill many birds with one stone.
If he needed to protect political capital however lower contact with sure individuals, he’d do the “sluggish fade”: He may first reply to them in 5 days, then 10 days, after which 20 days. “They may cease asking,” he famous.
Clearly, there have been ranges to filtering, after which there have been ranges to filtering. I took {a photograph} of his 84,000 unread rely as a reminder.
Proper after that assembly, I created a digital swipe file known as “well mannered declines” in Evernote, a product made by one other startup I suggested. Beginning that week in 2009, if anybody mentioned no in a approach that struck me as elegant or intelligent, I saved it. If a rejection one way or the other made me really feel good, I saved it. If somebody had nice insurance policies on their contact kind, I saved it. If I got here throughout a trick, software, or philosophical reset for saying no—whether or not over a meal, by way of e mail, or on the airport—I saved it.
This ebook accommodates the highlights from that swipe file.
It’s taken me an embarrassingly very long time to implement the recommendation right here, however I’ve discovered guidelines, methods, and instruments that make life lots simpler. In fact, these methods apply to coping with different individuals, together with strangers, free ties, and household. However additionally they apply to managing ourselves, particularly these glitches in our psychological working system that act towards our greatest pursuits.
I’ve additionally discovered methods to idiot-proof issues and produce the lifeboat nearer, such that while you do slip into overcommitting (it’ll occur), it’s one step to restoration as a substitute of ten.
This ebook was initially written like my different books (i.e., Tim checks every little thing, writes about what works, then publishes), till I known as Neil to see how a rewrite was approaching a tough draft.
“Hey, Tim, I’m in Copenhagen,” he screamed over a cacophony of background noise. “I’m at this convention I agreed to talk at, however now I’m internet hosting the entire thing, and it’s been taking over all my time.”
“That’s not good. I hope they’re paying you properly.”
“They’re not paying me something.” He paused and sighed. “And also you’re not going to consider this, however I informed the man operating the convention he might keep at my home when he’s in LA subsequent month.”
“You what?! Has this ebook been working for you in any respect?”
He stammered a response, and we each got here to understand that for a die-hard individuals pleaser, info and templates aren’t sufficient. As my pal Derek Sivers places it, “If extra info have been the reply, then we’d all be billionaires with excellent abs.”
So, we rebuilt the ebook from the bottom up as a each day, step-by-step expertise with readings, workouts, and a whole plan that’s relentlessly action-focused.
The primary check topic was Neil. As he went by way of these workouts and steps, he added his personal experiences, notes, and struggles. Afterward, seeing the eventual transformation, it’s clear that in case you do the work, this ebook actually, actually works. The ebook is designed to fulfill you the place you’re in your no journey and take you additional than you suppose doable.
And in contrast to most self-help applications, there is no such thing as a set of one-size-fits-all guidelines. By way of these readings and workouts, you’ll decide up a toolkit that’s uniquely your personal, tailor-made to your particular objectives, challenges, strengths, and weaknesses. Some chapters received’t be for you, however some can be particularly for you.
The No E book is a Trojan Horse for turning into higher at decision-making writ giant. Choice-making is your life.
The whole lot from a job provide to a wedding proposal is a sure to 1 factor and a no to lots of of hundreds of different alternatives. It’s simple—the common default—to get pulled into the quicksand of half-hearted yesses and promiscuous overcommitment, ending up burdened and reactive, questioning the place your time has gone.
The No E book re-examines how we navigate our finite path. It should show you how to construct a benevolent phalanx—a protecting wall of troops—that guard your objectives, your relationships, and extra, making every little thing extra easeful.
As you get deeper into this ebook, you’ll start to understand that the way you deal with no mirrors the way you deal with nearly every little thing in life. Dramatically altering your nos will dramatically change your life.
If Neil can repair his Copenhagen debacle and do a 180—which he did—the sky is the restrict.
So let’s begin constructing you some wings.
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Associated
The Tim Ferriss Present is one of the most well-liked podcasts on the earth with a couple of billion downloads. It has been chosen for “Better of Apple Podcasts” 3 times, it’s typically the #1 interview podcast throughout all of Apple Podcasts, and it has been ranked #1 out of 400,000+ podcasts on many events. To hearken to any of the previous episodes at no cost, take a look at this web page.